First of all I want to thank you all for your kind words and prayers during our cycle, and with the BFN. They were all felt, and needed.
I have enjoyed keeping up with your blogs, rejoicing with those of you who have been blessed with your babies through the embryo adoption process, and hurting with those who haven't yet.
Over the last couple months, Chad and I have decided to pursue being foster-to-adopt parents in our county. We are still on the waiting list for more embryos, and will cross that bridge when we get there (we are pretty far down on the list, so it will be quite a while, which is fine anyway...we are not ready to do that again for quite some time). But in the meantime, we feel that God just may have some wonderful blessings for us who are already born, and needing a loving home.
This weekend we are having a 2 day, 20 hour course, then will have our home study. As soon as this process is over, we hope to have our home open to 1-2 children, ages 0-8.
We do have a specific little 4-year-old boy, "C", that we are going to inquire about. He is already "free and legal" to adopt (parental rights have already been terminated, and he is just waiting for a forever family). I don't want to explain in public, but he has some issues that we feel God has given us the ability and desire to work with, and possibly give him the home he needs. We can not officially inquire about him until our home study is approved, but we are praying about him specifically. If he is meant to be our son, God will work it all out!
We have created a new blog for our foster/adoption process. This blog will be specifically for embryo adoption, and will be used again if and when that time comes again. However, the new blog will be more about our family building as a whole.
The link is:
http://building-the-henrys.blogspot.com/
There is nothing up yet...haha! But I will be posting this afternoon to start it.
We would love to have your support and prayers as we start this new adventure!
Thank you all again for the awesome support system during our FET, and I will continue to keep up on your journeys!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Back in the game....
I want to thank you all for the prayers leading up to the last cycle, during it, and when it failed. We both appreciate it so much, and could feel it daily.
After our cycle was confirmed negative, I still had to work that day. I drove to work, sobbing and yelling at God the whole way (luckily, it's a 30 minute drive). I had to go to work and hold myself together until 2:30pm. I then walked directly out of the building, into the car, and proceeded to start the sobbing again right there in the parking lot. I was a mess. I took that day to feel sorry for myself and mope around the house, spending most of that time doing the "ugly cry" at the drop of a hat.
Honestly, I just don't understand. I don't understand why God would have us go through all of this, for 6 years, and still choose not to give us a baby. I don't know why He had us go through the process of embryo adoption, to adopt embryos that would otherwise be discarded, only to destroy them ourselves after months of emotional and financial roller coasters. Why even have us go through this? I just don't understand Him at all. I have heard over and over that "everything he does is right" and "He has a plan"....those are great things to say...but mean nothing when you're in the middle of the stink part of his plan.
In the past, I have had some issues with starting to become bitter about this, and thinking that it's not fair that we have to go through all this, when other people who don't need to be having kids at all (in my opinion) can pop them out right and left. Over the course of our trying for the last 6 years, we have had a couple of very early losses. Over the last couple of years, I found myself angry with God, that he would give us what we had been praying for, only to take it away again.
Well, this time feel different. While I did take Friday to mope and mourn, I refused to allow myself to dwell on the heartache and unfairness of the situation. With the help of some amazing friends that God has given us, Chad and I kept ourselves distracted all weekend, and trying to think positively.
On Tuesday, I called the fertility center to set up my post IVF consult, and to be placed back on the waiting list for embryos. When the embryologist called back to confirm putting us on the waiting list, I felt a renewed hope and peace, which confirmed to me that this is still what God has for us right now. We are currently number 11 on the waiting list, so it will be quite a while. When we were put on the waiting list last year, we were number 4 or 5, and it took 6 months to be matched. So now we wait again. Wait for our medical expense card to start over on Jan 1st, and wait for an embryo match.
We may never understand what God is doing, and why what he is doing seems so unfair. But we are not giving up, and we are not letting ourselves be bitter and angry.
Again, we really appreciate all of your prayers, and would appreciate them still now, as we try to wait patiently for our turn.
After our cycle was confirmed negative, I still had to work that day. I drove to work, sobbing and yelling at God the whole way (luckily, it's a 30 minute drive). I had to go to work and hold myself together until 2:30pm. I then walked directly out of the building, into the car, and proceeded to start the sobbing again right there in the parking lot. I was a mess. I took that day to feel sorry for myself and mope around the house, spending most of that time doing the "ugly cry" at the drop of a hat.
Honestly, I just don't understand. I don't understand why God would have us go through all of this, for 6 years, and still choose not to give us a baby. I don't know why He had us go through the process of embryo adoption, to adopt embryos that would otherwise be discarded, only to destroy them ourselves after months of emotional and financial roller coasters. Why even have us go through this? I just don't understand Him at all. I have heard over and over that "everything he does is right" and "He has a plan"....those are great things to say...but mean nothing when you're in the middle of the stink part of his plan.
In the past, I have had some issues with starting to become bitter about this, and thinking that it's not fair that we have to go through all this, when other people who don't need to be having kids at all (in my opinion) can pop them out right and left. Over the course of our trying for the last 6 years, we have had a couple of very early losses. Over the last couple of years, I found myself angry with God, that he would give us what we had been praying for, only to take it away again.
Well, this time feel different. While I did take Friday to mope and mourn, I refused to allow myself to dwell on the heartache and unfairness of the situation. With the help of some amazing friends that God has given us, Chad and I kept ourselves distracted all weekend, and trying to think positively.
On Tuesday, I called the fertility center to set up my post IVF consult, and to be placed back on the waiting list for embryos. When the embryologist called back to confirm putting us on the waiting list, I felt a renewed hope and peace, which confirmed to me that this is still what God has for us right now. We are currently number 11 on the waiting list, so it will be quite a while. When we were put on the waiting list last year, we were number 4 or 5, and it took 6 months to be matched. So now we wait again. Wait for our medical expense card to start over on Jan 1st, and wait for an embryo match.
We may never understand what God is doing, and why what he is doing seems so unfair. But we are not giving up, and we are not letting ourselves be bitter and angry.
Again, we really appreciate all of your prayers, and would appreciate them still now, as we try to wait patiently for our turn.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Nope.
Just a quick update.
We got a confirmed negative result this morning. I will post more later, but I wanted to thank you all for your prayers through the cycle, and would ask for your prayers now as we pick up the pieces.
We got a confirmed negative result this morning. I will post more later, but I wanted to thank you all for your prayers through the cycle, and would ask for your prayers now as we pick up the pieces.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Longest week ever.
I just wanted to give a quick update.
I am honestly having a really hard time thinking positively about this cycle. I hate that I am feeling this way, especially at only 5 days past transfer, but I am just feeling very discouraged.
My progesterone check from yesterday came back at 13.5, which is less than it needs to be. I upped my dosage of progesterone yesterday, and a lot more today. For some reason, even though I have heard so many women have gotten pregnant on worse progesterone levels that that, it completely discouraged me. I keep fighting with myself, feeling like it's over, and there's no way it worked.
Part of the discouragement is that I am already not feeling well on the amount that I am on, and adding more has made me more tired and emotional....so bear with me, a lot of this is hormones talking.
I also know a lot of people don't get a positive pregnancy test until many days after transfer, and my blood test is this friday at 8 days past...I am wondering if that's too soon.
Honestly I am glad I am working this week because it gives me a distraction. When I am home, or alone with my thoughts, all I can think is that this is never going to happen for us.
Sorry to be a downer, but I needed to vent a little.
For those of you who are praying for us, thank you. And please continue to. Not only that it will work, but that I can keep a positive outlook on this, and trust God, because there's nothing that I can do to control the outcome of this, and I hate that.
I am honestly having a really hard time thinking positively about this cycle. I hate that I am feeling this way, especially at only 5 days past transfer, but I am just feeling very discouraged.
My progesterone check from yesterday came back at 13.5, which is less than it needs to be. I upped my dosage of progesterone yesterday, and a lot more today. For some reason, even though I have heard so many women have gotten pregnant on worse progesterone levels that that, it completely discouraged me. I keep fighting with myself, feeling like it's over, and there's no way it worked.
Part of the discouragement is that I am already not feeling well on the amount that I am on, and adding more has made me more tired and emotional....so bear with me, a lot of this is hormones talking.
I also know a lot of people don't get a positive pregnancy test until many days after transfer, and my blood test is this friday at 8 days past...I am wondering if that's too soon.
Honestly I am glad I am working this week because it gives me a distraction. When I am home, or alone with my thoughts, all I can think is that this is never going to happen for us.
Sorry to be a downer, but I needed to vent a little.
For those of you who are praying for us, thank you. And please continue to. Not only that it will work, but that I can keep a positive outlook on this, and trust God, because there's nothing that I can do to control the outcome of this, and I hate that.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
I am PUPO!
I am now officially PUPO! (pregnant, until proven otherwise).
We got up today and finished getting the house ready for me being stuck downstairs for a few days. I was doing pretty good all morning, but poor Chad was pretty nervous.
I went in at 9:30 for my massage today, which was amazing! I chose the back, shoulder, and neck massage with hot stones. I think I would like that daily... :)
After the massage, I went in for my blood work, then into the prep room to get ready! The Embryologist came in and explained that she thawed 2, but one did not survive the thaw, so she did have to thaw our 1 remaining embryo. This means that we don't have any left for the future. So if we want to do this again we will need to be put on the donation waiting list again, and go through everything again. One of the remaining embryos was perfect, and the other just a little behind. But she seemed to have confidence in both of them. She gave us our pictures:
Aren't they cute! :)
We went in the procedure room for the transfer, and saw the scary contraption that I was to sit on....
Sorry it's blurry...I took it from their virtual tour online.. :) Just wanted to show how scary this thing looks.
The actual transfer went really well. We were able to see the catheter in there through an ultrasound, and they pointed out where you could see the fluid around the embryos entering. (the embryos themselves are too small to see from an ultrasound). They then checked the tube to make sure they both came out, and we were done! I was transferred to a wheeled bed, and taken to recovery. After about 30 minutes, we went home!
Now I am reclining on my couch/air mattress watching TV. Chad is sound asleep on the other end. :)
I have my last progesterone injection tonight, then I start suppositories and pills 3x daily tomorrow!
My blood pregnancy test is next friday, the 4th! they run a simple "yes or no" test first, so that I can have the results within 15 minutes, then, if it is positive, they run it again to get the actual BETA number!
So for now, I have 2 beautiful little embryos inside me, and I am praying so hard that they grab on and hold on tight!
Thanks for all the prayers!
We got up today and finished getting the house ready for me being stuck downstairs for a few days. I was doing pretty good all morning, but poor Chad was pretty nervous.
I went in at 9:30 for my massage today, which was amazing! I chose the back, shoulder, and neck massage with hot stones. I think I would like that daily... :)
After the massage, I went in for my blood work, then into the prep room to get ready! The Embryologist came in and explained that she thawed 2, but one did not survive the thaw, so she did have to thaw our 1 remaining embryo. This means that we don't have any left for the future. So if we want to do this again we will need to be put on the donation waiting list again, and go through everything again. One of the remaining embryos was perfect, and the other just a little behind. But she seemed to have confidence in both of them. She gave us our pictures:
Aren't they cute! :)
We went in the procedure room for the transfer, and saw the scary contraption that I was to sit on....
Sorry it's blurry...I took it from their virtual tour online.. :) Just wanted to show how scary this thing looks.
The actual transfer went really well. We were able to see the catheter in there through an ultrasound, and they pointed out where you could see the fluid around the embryos entering. (the embryos themselves are too small to see from an ultrasound). They then checked the tube to make sure they both came out, and we were done! I was transferred to a wheeled bed, and taken to recovery. After about 30 minutes, we went home!
Now I am reclining on my couch/air mattress watching TV. Chad is sound asleep on the other end. :)
I have my last progesterone injection tonight, then I start suppositories and pills 3x daily tomorrow!
My blood pregnancy test is next friday, the 4th! they run a simple "yes or no" test first, so that I can have the results within 15 minutes, then, if it is positive, they run it again to get the actual BETA number!
So for now, I have 2 beautiful little embryos inside me, and I am praying so hard that they grab on and hold on tight!
Thanks for all the prayers!
Monday, August 24, 2009
2 days and counting!
This is our week!! I say 2 days because I am not counting this evening, and who counts the day of transfer? As I said before, I am a fan of rounding....so 2 days it is! :)
BTW I want to say thank you to all of you for your sweet comments! They mean so much to me, and are so encouraging! I love reading other's blogs that are going through or have gone through the same things, and am so thankful that we have each other for encouragment, since we kind of know what we are going through!
Things are going pretty well! The PIO shots are not as fun as I thought they may be. haha! We were injecting twice a day in the same hip, but by last night it was all bruised and sore, and I could hardly sit on it right. I kept leaning to the left. :) So then we had this bright idea to do the morning injections on the left, and night time on the right. Turns out that was the worst idea ever. Now BOTH sides of my hips are bruised and sore, and there is no where to lean! :) But it will be over soon, and hopefully all worth it! I can do anything for a few days, right?
Thanks for all the prayers! I am trying so hard to just relax and enjoy this time.
BTW I want to say thank you to all of you for your sweet comments! They mean so much to me, and are so encouraging! I love reading other's blogs that are going through or have gone through the same things, and am so thankful that we have each other for encouragment, since we kind of know what we are going through!
Things are going pretty well! The PIO shots are not as fun as I thought they may be. haha! We were injecting twice a day in the same hip, but by last night it was all bruised and sore, and I could hardly sit on it right. I kept leaning to the left. :) So then we had this bright idea to do the morning injections on the left, and night time on the right. Turns out that was the worst idea ever. Now BOTH sides of my hips are bruised and sore, and there is no where to lean! :) But it will be over soon, and hopefully all worth it! I can do anything for a few days, right?
Thanks for all the prayers! I am trying so hard to just relax and enjoy this time.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
One week from today
I will be laying on my couch, with 2 embryos inside of me! This may be the longest week ever!
Thankfully, we will have some distractions! My brother is coming into town tomorrow, and we are going to camp this weekend at the lake! I can't wait for this! This summer we got really into camping, and went quite a few times. We get a spot right on the lake where we can just swim and sit around all day! :) Nothing better!
I have to start my PIO (progesterone) injections on Saturday night, though. Since we will be at the campground, there is really no where for Chad to give me the injections in private (they go in the derrière!) Luckily, I have the best friends in the world! My gracious friend Jessica offered to give me the shot in the campground bathroom. haha! I guess that's when you know you have a true friend, when they'll give you a shot in the butt while camping.
I also get to downgrade to 2 estrogen patches tomorrow!!! I am very excited about this! Although, my body has lately gotten much more used to them, but still, they are not the most fun things to have stuck all over your abdomen.
My brother is staying until Tuesday, then our transfer is on Thursday! Then it's a couple of days of bedrest for me! But, since we always have to have SOME reason for a party, we have decided to have a "bedrest party"! :) We will have 2 of our friends over (bedrest parties are not for large groups...) we will have a cooler with drinks, takeout, and a huge mattress in the living room. We are going to watch movies and spend time together, and no one can get up unless it's to use the restroom! Of course, in any other circumstance, this would simply be called a "Lazy Party"...but why see the glass as half empty? :)
So.....6 years down, 1 week to go!
Thankfully, we will have some distractions! My brother is coming into town tomorrow, and we are going to camp this weekend at the lake! I can't wait for this! This summer we got really into camping, and went quite a few times. We get a spot right on the lake where we can just swim and sit around all day! :) Nothing better!
I have to start my PIO (progesterone) injections on Saturday night, though. Since we will be at the campground, there is really no where for Chad to give me the injections in private (they go in the derrière!) Luckily, I have the best friends in the world! My gracious friend Jessica offered to give me the shot in the campground bathroom. haha! I guess that's when you know you have a true friend, when they'll give you a shot in the butt while camping.
I also get to downgrade to 2 estrogen patches tomorrow!!! I am very excited about this! Although, my body has lately gotten much more used to them, but still, they are not the most fun things to have stuck all over your abdomen.
My brother is staying until Tuesday, then our transfer is on Thursday! Then it's a couple of days of bedrest for me! But, since we always have to have SOME reason for a party, we have decided to have a "bedrest party"! :) We will have 2 of our friends over (bedrest parties are not for large groups...) we will have a cooler with drinks, takeout, and a huge mattress in the living room. We are going to watch movies and spend time together, and no one can get up unless it's to use the restroom! Of course, in any other circumstance, this would simply be called a "Lazy Party"...but why see the glass as half empty? :)
So.....6 years down, 1 week to go!
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