Ice Babies

Update on us!

2009-12-01T03:13:00.000-08:00

First of all I want to thank you all for your kind words and prayers during our cycle, and with the BFN. They were all felt, and needed.

I have enjoyed keeping up with your blogs, rejoicing with those of you who have been blessed with your babies through the embryo adoption process, and hurting with those who haven't yet.

Over the last couple months, Chad and I have decided to pursue being foster-to-adopt parents in our county. We are still on the waiting list for more embryos, and will cross that bridge when we get there (we are pretty far down on the list, so it will be quite a while, which is fine anyway...we are not ready to do that again for quite some time). But in the meantime, we feel that God just may have some wonderful blessings for us who are already born, and needing a loving home.

This weekend we are having a 2 day, 20 hour course, then will have our home study. As soon as this process is over, we hope to have our home open to 1-2 children, ages 0-8.

We do have a specific little 4-year-old boy, "C", that we are going to inquire about. He is already "free and legal" to adopt (parental rights have already been terminated, and he is just waiting for a forever family). I don't want to explain in public, but he has some issues that we feel God has given us the ability and desire to work with, and possibly give him the home he needs. We can not officially inquire about him until our home study is approved, but we are praying about him specifically. If he is meant to be our son, God will work it all out!

We have created a new blog for our foster/adoption process. This blog will be specifically for embryo adoption, and will be used again if and when that time comes again. However, the new blog will be more about our family building as a whole.

The link is:
http://building-the-henrys.blogspot.com/
There is nothing up yet...haha! But I will be posting this afternoon to start it.

We would love to have your support and prayers as we start this new adventure!
Thank you all again for the awesome support system during our FET, and I will continue to keep up on your journeys!

Back in the game....

2009-09-14T15:35:00.000-07:00

I want to thank you all for the prayers leading up to the last cycle, during it, and when it failed. We both appreciate it so much, and could feel it daily.

After our cycle was confirmed negative, I still had to work that day. I drove to work, sobbing and yelling at God the whole way (luckily, it's a 30 minute drive). I had to go to work and hold myself together until 2:30pm. I then walked directly out of the building, into the car, and proceeded to start the sobbing again right there in the parking lot. I was a mess. I took that day to feel sorry for myself and mope around the house, spending most of that time doing the "ugly cry" at the drop of a hat.

Honestly, I just don't understand. I don't understand why God would have us go through all of this, for 6 years, and still choose not to give us a baby. I don't know why He had us go through the process of embryo adoption, to adopt embryos that would otherwise be discarded, only to destroy them ourselves after months of emotional and financial roller coasters. Why even have us go through this? I just don't understand Him at all. I have heard over and over that "everything he does is right" and "He has a plan"....those are great things to say...but mean nothing when you're in the middle of the stink part of his plan.

In the past, I have had some issues with starting to become bitter about this, and thinking that it's not fair that we have to go through all this, when other people who don't need to be having kids at all (in my opinion) can pop them out right and left. Over the course of our trying for the last 6 years, we have had a couple of very early losses. Over the last couple of years, I found myself angry with God, that he would give us what we had been praying for, only to take it away again.

Well, this time feel different. While I did take Friday to mope and mourn, I refused to allow myself to dwell on the heartache and unfairness of the situation. With the help of some amazing friends that God has given us, Chad and I kept ourselves distracted all weekend, and trying to think positively.

On Tuesday, I called the fertility center to set up my post IVF consult, and to be placed back on the waiting list for embryos. When the embryologist called back to confirm putting us on the waiting list, I felt a renewed hope and peace, which confirmed to me that this is still what God has for us right now. We are currently number 11 on the waiting list, so it will be quite a while. When we were put on the waiting list last year, we were number 4 or 5, and it took 6 months to be matched. So now we wait again. Wait for our medical expense card to start over on Jan 1st, and wait for an embryo match.

We may never understand what God is doing, and why what he is doing seems so unfair. But we are not giving up, and we are not letting ourselves be bitter and angry.

Again, we really appreciate all of your prayers, and would appreciate them still now, as we try to wait patiently for our turn.

Nope.

2009-09-04T14:04:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update.

We got a confirmed negative result this morning. I will post more later, but I wanted to thank you all for your prayers through the cycle, and would ask for your prayers now as we pick up the pieces.

Longest week ever.

2009-09-01T13:01:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to give a quick update.

I am honestly having a really hard time thinking positively about this cycle. I hate that I am feeling this way, especially at only 5 days past transfer, but I am just feeling very discouraged.

My progesterone check from yesterday came back at 13.5, which is less than it needs to be. I upped my dosage of progesterone yesterday, and a lot more today. For some reason, even though I have heard so many women have gotten pregnant on worse progesterone levels that that, it completely discouraged me. I keep fighting with myself, feeling like it's over, and there's no way it worked.

Part of the discouragement is that I am already not feeling well on the amount that I am on, and adding more has made me more tired and emotional....so bear with me, a lot of this is hormones talking.

I also know a lot of people don't get a positive pregnancy test until many days after transfer, and my blood test is this friday at 8 days past...I am wondering if that's too soon.

Honestly I am glad I am working this week because it gives me a distraction. When I am home, or alone with my thoughts, all I can think is that this is never going to happen for us.

Sorry to be a downer, but I needed to vent a little.

For those of you who are praying for us, thank you. And please continue to. Not only that it will work, but that I can keep a positive outlook on this, and trust God, because there's nothing that I can do to control the outcome of this, and I hate that.

I am PUPO!

2009-08-27T10:53:00.000-07:00

I am now officially PUPO! (pregnant, until proven otherwise).

We got up today and finished getting the house ready for me being stuck downstairs for a few days. I was doing pretty good all morning, but poor Chad was pretty nervous.

I went in at 9:30 for my massage today, which was amazing! I chose the back, shoulder, and neck massage with hot stones. I think I would like that daily... :)

After the massage, I went in for my blood work, then into the prep room to get ready! The Embryologist came in and explained that she thawed 2, but one did not survive the thaw, so she did have to thaw our 1 remaining embryo. This means that we don't have any left for the future. So if we want to do this again we will need to be put on the donation waiting list again, and go through everything again. One of the remaining embryos was perfect, and the other just a little behind. But she seemed to have confidence in both of them. She gave us our pictures:

Aren't they cute! :)

We went in the procedure room for the transfer, and saw the scary contraption that I was to sit on....

Sorry it's blurry...I took it from their virtual tour online.. :) Just wanted to show how scary this thing looks.

The actual transfer went really well. We were able to see the catheter in there through an ultrasound, and they pointed out where you could see the fluid around the embryos entering. (the embryos themselves are too small to see from an ultrasound). They then checked the tube to make sure they both came out, and we were done! I was transferred to a wheeled bed, and taken to recovery. After about 30 minutes, we went home!

Now I am reclining on my couch/air mattress watching TV. Chad is sound asleep on the other end. :)

I have my last progesterone injection tonight, then I start suppositories and pills 3x daily tomorrow!

My blood pregnancy test is next friday, the 4th! they run a simple "yes or no" test first, so that I can have the results within 15 minutes, then, if it is positive, they run it again to get the actual BETA number!

So for now, I have 2 beautiful little embryos inside me, and I am praying so hard that they grab on and hold on tight!

Thanks for all the prayers!

2 days and counting!

2009-08-24T16:36:00.000-07:00

This is our week!! I say 2 days because I am not counting this evening, and who counts the day of transfer? As I said before, I am a fan of rounding....so 2 days it is! :)

BTW I want to say thank you to all of you for your sweet comments! They mean so much to me, and are so encouraging! I love reading other's blogs that are going through or have gone through the same things, and am so thankful that we have each other for encouragment, since we kind of know what we are going through!

Things are going pretty well! The PIO shots are not as fun as I thought they may be. haha! We were injecting twice a day in the same hip, but by last night it was all bruised and sore, and I could hardly sit on it right. I kept leaning to the left. :) So then we had this bright idea to do the morning injections on the left, and night time on the right. Turns out that was the worst idea ever. Now BOTH sides of my hips are bruised and sore, and there is no where to lean! :) But it will be over soon, and hopefully all worth it! I can do anything for a few days, right?

Thanks for all the prayers! I am trying so hard to just relax and enjoy this time.

One week from today

2009-08-20T13:52:00.001-07:00

I will be laying on my couch, with 2 embryos inside of me! This may be the longest week ever!

Thankfully, we will have some distractions! My brother is coming into town tomorrow, and we are going to camp this weekend at the lake! I can't wait for this! This summer we got really into camping, and went quite a few times. We get a spot right on the lake where we can just swim and sit around all day! :) Nothing better!

I have to start my PIO (progesterone) injections on Saturday night, though. Since we will be at the campground, there is really no where for Chad to give me the injections in private (they go in the derrière!) Luckily, I have the best friends in the world! My gracious friend Jessica offered to give me the shot in the campground bathroom. haha! I guess that's when you know you have a true friend, when they'll give you a shot in the butt while camping.

I also get to downgrade to 2 estrogen patches tomorrow!!! I am very excited about this! Although, my body has lately gotten much more used to them, but still, they are not the most fun things to have stuck all over your abdomen.

My brother is staying until Tuesday, then our transfer is on Thursday! Then it's a couple of days of bedrest for me! But, since we always have to have SOME reason for a party, we have decided to have a "bedrest party"! :) We will have 2 of our friends over (bedrest parties are not for large groups...) we will have a cooler with drinks, takeout, and a huge mattress in the living room. We are going to watch movies and spend time together, and no one can get up unless it's to use the restroom! Of course, in any other circumstance, this would simply be called a "Lazy Party"...but why see the glass as half empty? :)

So.....6 years down, 1 week to go!

We're ready!!!!

2009-08-14T13:02:00.000-07:00

(I'm posting again because blogger freaks out when I post from my phone)

I had a hormone level check this morning, and an ultrasound to check my lining. The doctor said that my lining looked perfect! It is 11mm, and triple striped! He said everything looks perfect and I "did a good job" haha! I told him I did try, afterall.. :)

So we set the date for sure!! August 27 at 11:00! I go in an hour and a half early, and have an hour full body massage to relax and get my blood moving (I SUPPOSE I can do that...if I HAVE to...) Then we will transfer at 11:00!

I am supposed to keep 4 estrogen patches on until next friday, then I will reduce to 2 patches, and keep using 2 until I get a negative test, or through my first trimester. I also start my progesterone shots next Saturday, that continue through transfer day. I will then switch to progesterone pills and suppositories.

So next week at this time, I will have 2 embryos inside of me, trying to grab on!

Katy Perry must know a lot of women on fertility drugs..

2009-08-12T17:29:00.000-07:00

Because I know she wrote "Hot n' Cold" about me right now. This is what I feel like lately...

'Cause you're hot and you're cold
You're yes and you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

Today was my first day of 4 estrogen patches. The difference between 3 and 4 is a bit surprising. I think I have a lot of the nausea under control. I spent a good part of last week and the weekend not able to eat many things, and feeling sick. In fact, Jessica and Kevin got a nice show when we walked into a potluck at church, and the room was full of the smell of Lil' Smokey sausages. The smell hit me and I immediately felt like I was about to loose it. So I threw some things on my plate and RAN out of the room. :)

The last few days have been much better as far as nausea, but the hot flashes and mood swings are getting more intense! I just have to keep reminding myself that, Lord willing, it will all be worth it in the end!

Although I can't wait to actually have morning sickness and pregnancy mood swings, and STILL be wearing 2 estrogen patches through the first trimester! That should be interesting!

School started last week! As nice as it was to be off for the summer, I am enjoying being back to a normal schedule. I feel much more productive having a schedule. Although mood swings at a school are interesting! Last Thursday I was setting up our classroom, and trying to staple some poster board to the wall. I tried to staple it twice, and it fell both times. I sighed heavily, then went to the bathroom and cried! haha! I felt a little ridiculous afterward, but for some reason, it was devastating at the time.

I go in this Friday to have my estrogen level checked, and lining measured. Lord help the doctor if my level is still at 63 like it was in the beginning! These patches better be doing something for all this! :)

And that is the end of the alloted complaining time. I did sign up for this, afterall.

Got the loot!

2009-08-05T17:18:00.000-07:00

My drugs came in the mail today!!!!!!!!

I got my estrogen patches, baby asprin, prenatal, antibiotic, progesterone injections, and lots of needles! I still have progesterone suppositories on hold, and they should arrive soon!

I am thinking this will make a great first page of the baby book, don't you?

So I start the prenatal, baby asprin, and antibiotic tonight, and switch to 3 patches tomorrow! We're moving along!

Now I just have to pray I get through these next few weeks. The 2 patches I have on now are kinda kicking my butt a little, and I've only just begun! I will find the strength, though, because it's all worth it in the end!

Praise the Lord for insurance!

2009-08-03T23:11:00.000-07:00

My nurse called in all my prescriptions to a mail order pharmacy today, so they called me this evening to verify and collect payment. Apparently she ordered everything she possibly could! Including all the progesterone suppositories for the first trimester for if the cycle is successful, and enough estrogen patches to wear all through my first trimester of pregnancy! Optomistic much? haha!

At first I told the pharmicist that we would be paying for all of the meds out of pocket, because our insurance only covers fertility testing, not treatment. If they get a hint that we're using it for treatment, they immediately stop covering testing. (lovely, right?) So we have been very careful with what we pay out of pocket for, and what we send through insurance. That is why we paid out of pocket for the whole FET before hand.

Well she got through all the prescriptions, and said "That will be $880". I stopped breathing for a split second....:) I had been expecting less than that, but figured it was because she added the first trimester meds as well, and figured I'd have to make it work! So I gave her our debit card number and hung up!

Then I got to thinking... what if the insurance company got this claim for meds? It's from a regular mail order pharmacy. The prescriptions are for Z-Pac, baby asprin, prenatal vitamin, estrogen patches, progesterone shots, and progesterone suppositories. None of thoes are actual fertility drugs! Chad helped convince me to call back just to see what insurance would do.

Thankfully, I called back, even though I was embarassed...and asked her to see if insurance would cover it. It turned out that it covered everything, leaving us with co-pays for everything! There was one that needed prior authorization, but it was one that I won't need until after a positive pregnancy test, so I have time to get that! So after sending it through insurance, our total went from $880 to $215! Never have I been more grateful for my job and insurance!! (Plus, it's a bonus that I love my job anyway...:) )

So that was our blessing of the day! Now we keep praying that they don't now think I am pregnant and forgot to tell them! eek!

Baseline ultrasound and bloodwork

2009-08-03T10:20:00.000-07:00

I went in today for my U/S and bloodwork. The RE said my lining looked really good, at 4mm. He said that he saw about 15 cysts in my ovaries, but all less than 1cm, so they shouldn't be a problem. These cysts are what turn into follicles and release eggs in a "normal" person's ovaries, about 2 weeks into the cycle. I had to laugh when he sounded relieved that there were none trying to grow, since we couldn't FORCE my ovaries to grow eggs when we wanted to! It's a bit ironic.. :)

Before we left we met with the IVF coordniator and got our schedule for the cycle, and instructions. I was given my lovely estroegen patches, as well. I am now wearing 2 estrogen patches, then I move up to 3 on Thursday, switch them out on Sunday, then switch to 4 on Wednesday! My next u/s and bloodwork is on the 14th, so they can see what my uterin lining is doing, and if I need more estrogen. I just picture myself with 15 of these blesssed patches on by the end of this! :)

We also signed and had notarized our consents for our embryos to be thawed and prepared for transfer! When she called them "our embryos" my heart jumped a little. It's great to hear. :)

So Jan is calling in my prescriptions to a mail order pharmacy today, and all my patches, pills, vials, needles, etc.. should be arriving by wednesday!

Here we go!!

2009-08-02T08:49:00.001-07:00

Just a quick note from my phone!

I started this morning after not believing the nurse that a week and a half of BCP would do anything to me! :)

So our transfer cycle starts today!!! I left a message with our IVF coordinator to make my appointment for day 3 labs and ultrasound, and to get our schedule for the cycle! It's moving along!

Ultrasound gel; moisturizer for the infertile.

2009-07-21T19:40:00.000-07:00

I forgot I was going to add a funny story that happened at my last ultrasound. I was reminded of this last night, so I had to add it!

When I had my ultrasound and mock transfer, I was in a huge hurry. I was supposed to pick up some friends about 15 minutes away to drive to Atlanta so one of them could catch a plane. My appointment was at 9:00, and I was supposed to pick them up at 9:45. After they couldn't get my blood forever, they put me in the ultrasound room at 9:15.

Fast forward to 9:30, and I'm still sitting there waiting for the dr! I was getting so stressed that i was going to be late, that I was looking for any distraction. The nurse eventually came in and got the ultrasound machine ready, including putting the gel on the....tool...

Well, without being too graphic, I was sitting on the table, and my feet were........propped up.. :) I looked down and noticed that the couple week old tattoo on my foot was looking dry, as it was still in the gross peeling stage. I started thinking about whether or not I had lotion with me, but realized I didn't even have my purse with me.

For some reason I started looking around for something to moisturize my tattoo with, and noticed the nice pile of warm ultrasound gel next to me. Without thinking twice, I ran my finger through the gel off of the wand, and rubbed it into my foot. I then stretched my leg out to see if it did the trick. It did. It looked nice and black again, and completely moisturized. It then hit me what I had just done, and I started laughing out loud, right there in the procedure room, wearing a paper towel.

The moral of the story is; if you find yourself, like me, spending a majority of your time on an examination table needing a distraction, ultrasound gel does actually make a wonderful moisturizer. And really, it's not too expensive! You can get the full package on the right for the low low price of $24.99!

Hello old Friend...

2009-07-21T11:34:00.001-07:00

It's been a while since I've seen these....

Jan, our IVF coordinator decided to put me on BCP for a week and a half. I am going out of town this week until August 1st. We have been thinking all along that I would call her when I get back from vacation to get some meds to start my cycle. Well, it occured to me last week that there is always the possibility of it starting while I am out of town, throwing the entire process for a loop! It would be JUST LIKE my body to do that to us, too! I have to be in town on day 3 for my labs and ultrasound to start the transfer cycle, so I can't risk starting in Washington!

So I sent a freak out email (I've gotten good at these mild freak outs!) explaining that I'll be gone and am concerned about starting while I'm gone. She had the same concern (makes me feel better for freaking out!) and decided to put me on BCP so that it won't start while I'm there, and also make it start sooner when I get back! So I take my last real pill on Friday the 31st, and hopefully I will start a few days later! That could push up my transfer a whole week sooner!!!

Never have I been so happy to see those pesky little pills! And never has it been more ironic...

Adoption finalized!

2009-07-16T14:07:00.001-07:00

Our adoption was finalized today! We are now the proud parents of 3 beautiful little frozen babies!

We were also able to speak with the Embryologist today, and she went over some questions we had, and gave us more info on what to expect. I guess the biggest thing we discussed was how many to transfer. I have been going through this process always thinking we'd transfer all 3 on transfer day. However, today, we talked about some of the concerns and risks of using all three. She said that at my age I should not have any higher chance of pregnancy if we transfer 3, than if we transfer 2. It is just that the chance of multiples increases.

Apparently we have anywhere from a 60-80% chance of a pregnancy for this FET, and about 40% chance of twins. She said that adding a third embryo doesn't increase the 60-80%, but greatly increases the twin chance, and throws in the triplet chance. She was concerned about the risks, especially since I already have high blood pressure, etc.

To me, it seems like putting 3 in gives a better chance of at least one grabbing on! But I guess that's my uneducated brain chiming in. :) Long story short, we are probably going to only transfer 2 on that day. I am a little bummed about that, but I guess it's what is best.

So now we wait for the cycle to start!

God is so good!!!

2009-07-15T09:43:00.000-07:00

And prayers are answered! We are so thankful for our wonderful family and friends who have prayed for us, and helped us in every way! We are so blessed!

We are going this afternoon to notarize the paperwork to make the babies ours, sign consents, AND PAY FOR THE FET!!!!!

God is good!

Screetching Hault

2009-07-15T08:16:00.000-07:00

I debated with myself over whether or not I would post this in the blog until it is for sure. Part of me didn't want to post it, because I don't want to be a downer. But the fact is, fertility treatments are a series of one downer after another. We have been through 6 years of failures, disappointments, heartbreak, sadness, and anger, and there are no promises that it will end any time soon, really. So I decided to include this story in the blog, for a couple reasons. One being that I think it's important to tell our whole story, ups and downs. And secondly, I would love to look back at this one day and smile, seeing what we have been through, and what we learned from it.

I got the mail yesterday and found 2 things from our fertility clinic. The first, I was so excited to see! It was the official consent forms to make our embies our's! These will need to be notarized, thus making it all legal and done! I actually said out loud in my car when I opened it, "Wow...this is really happening!" It still feels surreal.

Then I opened the other envelope. A bill. Apparently in our meeting with multiple people to set up this embryo adoption, we never got the message that they expected payment in full for the proceedure BEFORE the cycle. When we had discussed the other treatments that they wanted to try (before deciding that they would most likely not work) they had told us that for proceedures that we have to pay for out of pocket (our insurance does not cover fertility treatments) we could go on an in-house 3 month payment plan. Our plan all along was to use our medical flex spending account to pay for a majority of the FET, and pay out of pocket for the rest, in 3 months. It was going to be a stretch, but do-able.

However, when we recieved the bill yesterday, things started going down hill. The total bill due today is $4,500. This includes all the tests, embryo preparation, and transfer. It does not include the meds that I will be on for the month, which is impossible to calculate until that time, becasue they change dosages and medications depending on my hormone levels and uterine lining throughout the month. We are guessing the meds will be between $500-$1,000.

I left a message for the financial department to make sure we can still split up the payments between 3 months, and still felt confident. Then we looked at our flex spending account. I had a broken foot, along with other expensive tests this year, which caused that account to go down faster than we thouht. We can only put $1,500 of it on that account, leaving $3,000 out of pocket today, then meds out of pocket soon. We do not have $3,000 in our pockets today. We also do not have credit cards, or a means to get $3,000 in our pocket today. Even if we could still break up the money into 3 months, we can't really afford to be out $1,000 per month for the next 3 months, plus meds!

To top this off, I got the call back from my message yesterday, telling me that, no, for IVF procedures they do not do a 3 month plan. She said "I'll see you later today to pay that off, and sign consents! Hope you're having a great day!"....

We may have to postpone this proceedure until the end of the year, now, so we can save the money before hand. The problem with that is that we have to do it before December 31, because the money on our flex card does not roll over. We simply loose it if we don't use it. But, that also means that we'd have to pay the $3,000 by November 15, and re-do all the tests that I've been having done, because they have to be done right before the FET. Doing it in December also makes me due in the fall, not in the summer when I am off work anyway (which is what would happen if we do it in august as planned).

PLUS, we have to let the flex card people know how much to save on there in November during Chad's open enrollment. SO, if we do all this saving and waiting, do the transfer in December, and it doesn't work...we are then left with no money on the flex card, and have to wait to save up the whole $5,000 again! Whereas if we do the transfer in August and it doesn't work, we can put the money on the flex account to do it early next year again!

The timing being completely wrong in December has me thinking it won't work in the first place. So you can see by my incredibly long post (sorry about that) that one speed bump turns into a mountain very quickly, and I don't know if we can climb it.

At this point we have so many people praying for a miracle. That is our last hope. I guess I will let you know by the end of the day what happens.

Thanks for all the prayers. They are needed right now. First for a miracle, and if that doesn't come through, for peace and patience on our part.

Mock Transfer, done!

2009-07-08T20:14:00.000-07:00

Today I went in for my full IVF profile bloodwork, saline ultrasound, and mock transfer. It took about 25 minutes for them to find a cooperative vein to get my blood... but eventually, 3 nurses, 1 doctor, and 3 unsuccessful pokes later, we got one!

I then went in for the ultrasound and mock transfer. Somehow this proceedure sounded much less painful than it was. It was not pleasant, to say the least. But the good news is, everything looks clear, no signs of fibroids or blockages, and he was able to place the catheder exactly where he will need to when it is full of our babies! :) He said he didn't think there should be any problems with the transfer!

I talked with our IVF coordinator as I was leaving, and she confirmed that if I haven't started my cycle on my own by the last day in July, to give her a call and we'll force it to start. That process takes around 10 days, and then the cycle takes 3 weeks after that! So we are looking at the transfer to be probably the last week of August, or 1st week of September! We won't know for sure until the cycle actually starts.

So a painful day followed by good news! Now we wait again!

Ultrasound tomorrow!

2009-07-07T12:55:00.000-07:00

I talked with the Embryologist today, who is sending us the paperwork to finalize the adoption of our embryos! She said to look it over, and, when we are ready, to come in together to sign everything. It all has to be notarized to make it legal. So we should be able to do that this next week!

She also got me in touch with Jan, our IVF Coordinator. I have a feeling Jan and I will be getting very close in the next couple months! I had a short conversation with Jan this morning, to make a few plans. I am going in tomorrow at 9:00 for a saline ultrasound. They will inject me with saline solution and watch on the screen to make sure there are no polyps, fibroids, or other blockages, and to be sure that they will be able to transfer the embryos easily. I will also be getting a full blood workup, where they'll test all my baseline hormone levels, as well as test for any and all diseases known to man.

We then go back to waiting! (my favorite!) But not too long this time! I am supposed to call when I get back in town (Aug 1st) so they can give me a medicine to start the cycle.... THE cycle! The cycle that , if all goes according to plan, we will do the transfer!

In my excitement I forgot to ask how long they do their FET cycles. Everything will be controlled by medication, so we don't rely on my body to determine the dates, to an extent. I will be on oral and injectable medications that will suppress my own cycle to make the best possible environment for the embryos to be transferred. Some clinics do a 30 day cycle, and some do longer. I guess it ultimatly depends on how my body is reacting to the meds. But is is looking like our transfer will probably be around the end of August or beginning of September!

After the ultrasound and tests tomorrow I am sure we will be getting a rough schedule, or know more. I will post more then!

4th of July

2009-07-06T21:14:00.000-07:00

Happy belated 4th of July!

We had a great time with friends eating, sitting by the fire, setting off fireworks, and playing with BB guns! :)

Here's a few pics

On the baby front... I left another message for the Embryologist today, but no call back. I am pretty sure she's going to block my number soon.. :) But as soon as we get hold of her, we should be able to go in and finalize everything, and get the ball rolling on this process!

Maybe I should post a picture of my phone not ringing again......

Embryo Adoption Video

2009-07-04T08:39:00.001-07:00

A quick video about a couple in Washington who adopted embryos to have their daughter.

Decisions and Science

2009-07-03T08:30:00.000-07:00

Well, we have made our decision!

I left a message with our Embryologist this morning, and are waiting for a call back to go in and do all our paperwork, etc.. Hopefully in the next couple days we will be the proud parents of 3 frozen embryos!

There was a lot that went into the decision process, a lot of it pretty boring to read, probably. But after talking with the Embryologist about the 2 different cases we were presented, we felt that these embryos were the best choice.

All three of the embryos were frozen 5 days after fertilization, in the Blast phase. Here is some scientific stuff for those of you who are interested.. :)

Definition of a blastocyst - an embryo that has developed for five to seven days after fertilization and has developed 2 distinct cell types and a central cavity filled with fluid (blastocoel cavity). The cells in a blastocyst have just started to differentiate. The surface cells that surround the cavity (just under the outer shell) are called the trophectoderm and will later develop into the placenta. The more centrally located group of cells are called the inner cell mass and will become the fetus. (advancedfertility.com)

Here is a picture of the stages of embryonic development before transfers. These are not our embryos...but the same idea.

Basically, at this stage of development, the embryos are ready to hatch out of their cell walls and attach to the uterine lining. Sometimes embryos that have been frozen can have a harder time hatching out of their cell walls, because the walls have become hard, or some of the outer cells were damaged during the thaw. Because of this, we are hoping to go ahead with Assisted Hatching before our transfer.

Assisted Hatching is where they poke a micro needle into the wall of the embryo before transferring them into the mother. The concept is that some embryos may need some help escaping from within their shells - so that they can implant in the mother's uterine lining.

Here is a picture of assisted hatching on a blast:

Basically, it gives the embryo a head start on being able to attach to the uterus and hold on!

When the Embryologist told us the stages and quality of all the embryos we were looking at, this batch had a very high quality, and she felt would have a high success rate. One of my main concerns was the thawing process. It is not uncommon for some of the cells to die during the thawing process. I am not a gambling person, and this is such a gambling process. It could happen that we go through all this, I give myself shots and medicine every day leading up to it, we invest all the money, time, and emotion into this, and we end up with no healthy embryos on transfer day. That thought is never far from my mind.

The fact that this batch had 3 embryos all in the blast stage, and all very high quality does give me some peace of mind. The Embryologist said that this clinic very rarely sees a blast not survive the thawing process, especially at the quality that these are.

So all of this considered, we decided to move forward with these embryos! I guess we will find out soon how to make it official, but I will definitely be posting when it becomes official!

The profiles we had to look over had so much information on the donors, even down to their predominant hands. Their looks and characteristics were not really a deciding factor for us, since we honestly don't care if our kids don't look like us. We just want happy, healthy kids out of this. That being said, it is very possible that we will have very small, possibly red headed children.. :)

So now we wait for news again! That's what this process is all about! Waiting, and gambling. Two things I am not very good at!

I will post more when I know more! Thank you all again for all your prayers!
Chad and Erin

Profiles!!!

2009-07-01T17:08:00.001-07:00

We received a call on Monday that we are now on the top of the list for embryos! The embryologist had 2 profiles ready for viewing, and 2 more that she is working on now. She mailed us summaries of the 2 profiles, and told us to look over them and get back to her. If we did not pick from these 2, she would send them on to the next person, and send us the new ones when they are done.

Suddenly, this became very real. We were both excited, and nervous at the same time. It wasn't until today when I got the mail and opened the profiles that I realized how big this is. We read over the profiles, looking at all the details from the embryo's quality and age, down to the predominant hand of each parent! Obviously, some things were of greater importance than others, but still, we studied each thing. So far, Chad has remained calm and cool about the whole thing. He obviously wants us to choose embryos that have a good chance of surviving the thaw and producing a pregnancy, but I am definitely the one freaking out at this point. This is just a lot of pressure! I am choosing my children! What if I pick the wrong ones, and they don't survive even to the transfer day!

OR, what if we choose to pass on these 2 profiles, and the next ones we recieve have lower quality embryos, and it is a long time before we get ones at the advance stage that these current embryos are? So many questions! So for those of you who have not yet witnessed a self-induced freak out by Erin...you just have. :)

So that is where we are right now. I am researching the stages, reading blogs and message boards, and asking advice on what to be looking for, and what things are the most important.

We would appreciate prayer as we're making this decision. And even more beyond today. We need to decide the best time to do the transfer, based on actual best time, not our impatience, etc... But most of all I think that I, at least, need prayer that I can trust God with this, and not freak myself out!

Thanks for all the prayers so far! This is actually happening, and soon!

The most planned pregnancy ever

2009-03-16T17:15:00.000-07:00

After much thinking, praying, and discussing, we have come to a decision. We are going to plan to transfer our embryos in either late September or early October (provided we have them by then!). We have decided that, while we are not so good at being patient, and I am sure it will be hard to have the embryos sitting there waiting for us, it is the best decision at this time. This will allow us to have a bit more time to get the funds saved for the procedure. It will also set a due date, if we get pregnant, to be set when I am out for Summer Break. This will give me time to get settled with the baby(ies), and get to spend time at home with them during those first couple months.

So again, even if we get embryos every soon, we wait. But I am still okay with that. That is about 6-7 months away. When you compare that to what will be 6 years we have been trying, it's really not that long. And again, we both just have such a peace about this process, that makes waiting easier. Before we would wait and wait for procedures and meds that didn't have more than a 10% chance of working. This time we feel such a peace about it, that it feels like the waiting is getting us some where. It's hard to explain, but we are thankful for it!

So we plan to use these 6-7 months to our advantage, so that we can be as ready as possible for the whirwind that will hopefully ensue this fall. We want to use the time to get organized, make sure we are stable financially, and more healthy for the pregnancy and beyond.

We'll keep you updated with news about the little popsicles! Thanks for all the prayers!

It Rang!!

2009-02-24T17:41:00.000-08:00

I got a call from our Embryologist today! She said that there are still 2 people in front of us in line, but that she is getting 4 new donations soon! She just has to get all the legal authorizations and make their profiles. Then she'll give us a call to look at them after the other 2 couples do! She said to go ahead and set up my ultrasound and other tests because the ball will hopefully be rolling soon!

YAY!

Waiting........again.

2009-02-23T14:43:00.000-08:00

This is my phone. Not ringing. Ever.

I called the embryologist last week to see where we stood on the waiting list so we could schedule our tests and legal stuff. I got a call back on Thursday that they were hoping to match a couple people on Friday and today, and I should be getting a call today or tomorrow updating us on our status. She said that it still could be a little bit, since they have less donations right now than usual.

So we wait again! The strange thing is, I don't mind the waiting this time. During the last 5 1/2 years of trying, waiting has always been the hardest part. I hate it. But we both feel such a peace about this that the waiting is not so bad! It is giving us some time to save the money, and do all the things we want to get in order before we suddenly have a baby....or up to 3 babies! :)

So I will update when I get the call!

Rounding Up...

2009-02-16T18:37:00.000-08:00

I got a call from the IVF coordinator last month telling me to call them at the end of Feb to set up some tests to prepare for the transfer. These include a saline ultrasound, bloodwork, and probably some that I forgot.

So I'm figuring it's February 16th, and if you are into rounding (which I totally am), it is totally the end of February, right? So I'm calling them tomorrow to set these up and check on our status on the waiting list! aahhh!

Introduction

2009-01-10T10:07:00.000-08:00

We are keeping this blog to share our journey with Embryo Adoption.

We have been trying unsuccessfully to have a baby since May, 2003. After trying various treatments, we were told that our best option was In Vitro. However even still, our RE (reproductive endocrinologist) and we were not sure of the quality of eggs we would produce.

We found out on Wednesday, after a very discouraging appointment that our clinic offers an amazing program. When couples go through the In Vitro process, they usually end up with extra embryos, after their transfer. These are fully formed embryos, who have already been through the splitting process. They are then faced with the difficult decision on whether they should freeze them for later use, or discard them. Many people have many different opinions on discarding embryos, and I will not get into that. I think it will be clear what my view is anyway. :)

Well some clinics (like mine) gives the couples another choice; Embryo Donation. The couples sign over all their rights to the embryos, and donate them to couples who need them. Long story short, Chad and I have decided to adopt frozen embryos from this program.

We got the call today that we are officially on the waiting list, with 2 couples ahead of us. The Embryologist guessed that we would only be waiting for a few months! We will be given the health background and basic info of the biological parents, without ever knowing their names or anything personal about them. They will also never know us. We will choose from profiles which embryos we would like to adopt (based on number available, quality, how long they've been frozen, etc.)

At that point, we would take over the fees for storing all of the frozen embryos from that couple. They will then thaw them and transfer them to me, 2-3 at a time. If all goes well and the first cycle works, we will then hopefully have some left over embryos that we can save for future use, or donate again!

We have struggled with how much of this story we want to tell. It is obviously a very personal part of our lives, and quite frankly, something that has caused much pain over the last few years. But we decided that we would be open about this process for a few reasons. First, we would love the prayers and support of our family and friends while we go through this process! It can be very emotionally draining, and we could use all the prayers we can get. Secondly, I think there needs to be more awareness about Embryo Adoption and Donation! Very few people know about this option, yet it is basically saving these embryos from being discarded, when there are so many people who need them!

If anyone has any questions or anything, feel free to ask! We want to be open about this as much as possible.

It just feels so nice to be getting some where. For so many years we were stuck, facing obstacle after obstacle. Now we both feel a real peace about this, and that this is what we are supposed to be doing.

So for now, yes, we do have children! They are just all frozen, and we haven't met them yet! :)